Therapy in Chester, NJ and Florham Park, NJ
I worked with a young adult who accepted her first job offer after graduation because she felt intense pressure from family members and needed an income, rather than because she felt confident it was the right opportunity for her. In the midst of planning a wedding and moving, she is now unhappy with that position, but feels pressure from family to stick it out until after the wedding, instead of quitting or seeking a new job.
I share this story as an example of how stressful it can be to make life-changing decisions such as quitting your job, looking for a new job, or changing career paths. Regardless of what the decision to be made is, the common denominator is that while contemplating, everyone around you becomes the expert advice columnist. While it comes from a place of love, all of the guidance pushing you in every direction can make your decision more complicated, confusing, and stressful to make.
So how do you make life-changing decisions and remain sane? First, it is helpful to prioritize. For example, when looking for a job, what are the most important qualities for the position to have? It could be commute distance, salary, hours, job description, or room for growth. Then decide what you are willing to give up or settle for if other qualities are exceedingly met. Whatever decision you have to make, listing clear priorities can help you focus and zero in on which direction to follow.
Second, determine whose opinions you value and trust the most, and whose you will politely nod along with, and then allow it to go in one ear and out the other. As I mentioned before, everyone you run into will offer his or her two cents, and if you take it all to heart, you will be stuck in purgatory never able to make a decision. Keep in mind that while some friends are your go-to person for advice on what to wear on an interview, they may not be the most informed or experienced when it comes to big financial decisions such as purchasing a house.
Remember that while other people around you may also be making similar life-changing decisions, it is important to avoid comparing your decision-making process to theirs. There is no one-size-fits-all correct answer as everyone's situation is unique. Just because all of your friends are engaged right now, it doesn't mean that you should get engaged to the guy you are dating but not in love with. You may feel influence or pressure from what your family and friends are doing (peer pressure is a real thing, people!), but don't give in! Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on what is best for you.
My last suggestion for making life-changing decisions is to go with your gut. The more you mull over your options, the more pros and cons lists you make, the more people you consult with, and the more time that passes will all make things more complicated for you. That will also keep you stuck and therefore you won't be able to move forward. One of my favorite sayings exemplifies this exact point: "When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for." In sum, try not to overthink this decision because your first instinct is usually the best option for you.
If you are having difficulty making a life-changing decision, I am here to help!
Call us at Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information about our services or to make an appointment with our therapists!