Therapy in Chester, NJ
It’s the most wonderful time of the year again! Yet, you are feeling stressed out and anxious. How can such a happy time bring so much angst?! As beautiful and joyous as this time of year is, it can also bring a lot of these not-so-beautiful and joyous emotions. There is so much pressure to meet certain expectations during the holiday season, but I am here to tell you that it does not have to be this way. However, with all of the societal and familial and mostly self-prescribed pressure, it is up to you and only you to push the pressures out of the way and create your own rules for how your holiday season “should be.”
With social media sites/apps such as Pinterest and Instagram flooding your feeds with holiday desserts, and DIY (Do It Yourself, or homemade) decorations, articles on how to dress for the holidays with outrageous price tags attached, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Not everyone has the time, money, or artistic ability (and that is ok!) to make their own decorations, create an at-home Winter Wonderland, spend hours in their kitchens experimenting and baking carefully designed treats. Keep in mind that many of these pictures of decorated homes, parties, or fancy treats are done by people whose professional job it is to do these things. They are also not coming home after a 9-5 workday to sit down and handcraft dreidels and wreaths...this is their 9-5 job. Be kind to yourselves, and give yourselves a break.
The holiday season is not about how many likes you get on social media. It is important to focus on what really matters, rather than how “picture perfect” things come out. Also, while pictures that you see on social media may appear to be perfect, chances are, there is a lot more going on than what you see in the photo. It’s sort of like when you think that a couple is perfect because they just look so happy in all of their photos. People usually only photograph the good and what they want people to see. So don’t be fooled by the perfectly decorated homes and the perfectly made latkes and the perfectly happy party-goers. That “simple” latke recipe could have taken 8 hours, and the house could be a mess, but they captured the one tiny spot that wasn't.
It is all about the thought and love that goes into this season. Did you have fun making the cookies while listening to holiday music with your children? Can you barely wait to see your best friend’s face when she opens your gift? Were you gasping for air from laughing so hard as your family attempted to put up your dysfunctional tree or properly sing the Hanukkah prayers? Good company makes for the “perfect party,” and when your “Pinterest-perfect” cookies taste like dirt, this is the memory that will stick and lead to years of laughter and memories.
There are also so many festive activities that we want to take part in. Maybe it’s a Secret Santa with your friends or a trip to Rockefeller Center to see the tree. There are so many incredible things that happen during this time of year, and it is natural to want to take part in all of it, (and I pride you on your holiday spirit and outgoing personality!), but it is simply impossible to do everything. Do what you can, do your best to enjoy it, be in the moment, and find joy in the little things. Appreciate all that you get around to doing, and whatever you miss, you can just do next year. And who knows, if you are present in what you are doing, you might be so fulfilled that you won’t even want to do that other activity that you just had to do. Whatever you miss is not significant enough to rob you of having the peaceful and happy time of year that you deserve to have, so try not to let it.
We do not need to give other people the power to decide how our holiday season should be. It’s the season of giving, so give yourself permission to define what makes you happy, and when the season is becoming a giant list of anxiety-inducing to-do’s, take a step back. When you are walking home from work, listen to holiday music and look at the beautiful lights on the trees and homes that you pass. If your decorations in your home make you feel cozy and excite you, that’s what matters. It is normal to feel pressured and anxious during this season, but try not to take it all so seriously. I don’t know about you, but I do not recall reading a manual that is is called “How to Perfect the Holidays.” It is time to define the holiday season for yourself, in whatever way is going to make you happy.
If you need help creating the "perfectly" "imperfect" holiday I would be happy to help!
Call Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information or to make an appointment!