When a cut is left open and is unprotected by a Band Aid, it is at risk of getting hurt by the outside world. Just the same, when people are open and unprotected by a guard or wall that they put up, they are at risk of getting hurt. However, while staying inside your house and on your couch at all times pretty much guarantees that you won't get hurt, it also guarantees that you won't experience anything great either. Just the same, if you don't put yourself out there in relationships, you probably won't get hurt, but you certainly will not find anything great either.
Often times, when you are afraid of something, it's because it is important to you. The more you love someone, the more you have to lose. Therefore, when you have someone who you feel strongly about, you probably want to do whatever is in your power to keep them. Maybe to you that means putting up that wall and not letting them all the way into your heart. Maybe you pretend to be someone you're not - someone you think that they would want or be compatible with.
While nerves are normal when getting close to and trying to build intimacy with someone, it is important to allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you are vulnerable, you are being true to yourself. This certainly intensifies the fear of rejection, but it also provides you with the opportunity to experience greatness and be with the right person - someone who you are truly compatible with.
Challenge your fear of being vulnerable. If you feel something, express it. Speak from your heart whether you are feeling good, bad, happy, sad, embarrassed, weird, powerful, fabulous, etc. In challenging your fears, you learn how to communicate and talk things through with your partner, and you will likely end up growing closer to one another - all because you are being your truest, most raw self.
If being yourself and allowing your emotions to show sends your partner away, then this person was not right for you. Had you continued to hide who you are, you may have spent even more time with the wrong person or prevented yourself from getting close to the right person. Like many things, it is easier said than done. It is scary to allow our insecurities to show and put ourselves in a position to get criticized, hurt or rejected; however, shutting yourself off from vulnerability could mean shutting yourself off from experiencing true intimacy.
If you are having difficulty opening up and are afraid of being vulnerable, I am always here to help!
Call us at Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information about our services or to schedule an appointment with our therapists!