Therapy in Chester, NJ and Florham Park, NJ
If you are unhappy in your marriage, it can be heart-wrenching to decide whether or not to end it. There are a ton of things to consider, but figuring out where to start can be challenging. Choosing to leave (or stay) will impact every area of your life. Here are some things to consider before making the big step. While you don't have to have definite answers for each of these questions, they are a good idea to think about.
1. Why do you feel so unfulfilled?
Ask yourself what you are missing. Does it really have anything to do with my partner or is there something else going on that is making you so unhappy? Sometimes it is easier to blame our partner or someone else for our unhappiness. Are you still going to feel this way if you get into a relationship with someone else?
2. Can I trust my partner?
Sometimes choosing to leave a marriage isn't about being unfilled. It can be about trust. You may love your spouse but he or she has betrayed you in some way. Perhaps he or she had an affair, hid the money, or has an addiction you didn't know about. Even if your partner apologizes, owns his/her mistake, and/or gets help, can you forgive him or her? What will it take to do that? Are you willing to try?
3. Why did you marry this person in the first place?
Sometimes in the midst of struggle and chaos, it's easy to forget what attracted us to our partner in the first place. Try and remember what it was that originally drew you to them, it might help you to reevaluate your situation from a different angle.
4. How is your communication?
Communication is a major factor in whether a relationship works or doesn't. How have you and your partner been communicating? Is there anything you could do differently? How do you think you will communicate throughout the divorce process?
5. What is your "end goal"?
What are you hoping will change in your life by getting a divorce? What are you hoping will stay the same? How do you envision your life in the future with or without your spouse?
6. Finances
It is important to consider the financial impact divorce could have on you and your family. Will you be able to maintain the current lifestyle you have if you get a divorce? What will change? Are you willing to accept those changes? Do you have shared debt? Which "big ticket" items are in your name and which are in your spouse's?
7. Living Space
Will you stay where you are currently leaving or will you find a new place to live? If you have children, where will they stay?
8. How will it impact your children?
Kids are all individuals and react differently to their parents getting a divorce, but all kids DO react. If you have children, how will divorce impact them? Will it create a stressful environment? Will it result in less stress? How does your current relationship with your spouse impact them?
9. How will it impact you mentally and emotionally?
You probably aren't happy with the way things are right now and really want them to change. What are you expecting to change if you leave? Is there a chance it could change if you stay? How will your mental health be impacted by being alone, how will it be impacted by staying?
10. What have you already tried?
What kind of things have you tried to fix your marriage? Have you talked to one another? Have you tried counseling? If not, it might be worth exploring. Even if the end result is still divorce, counseling can help you decipher what you want, improve your communication, and generally make the process easier.
Choosing to end your marriage is a huge decision and it can feel overwhelming and really scary.
If you need help and support, we are always here.
Call us at Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information about our services or to schedule an appointment with our therapists!