Therapy in Chester, NJ and Florham Park, NJ
Husbands, picture this…you are at a restaurant, surrounded by your awesome kids and your beautiful wife, and yet it feels like any dinner out. However, it's Mother's Day. As you take the first bite of your chicken parmesan you have this guilty thought in the back of your mind. You're thinking… shouldn't your mother be here as well? After all, it is Mother's Day!
In my counseling session this past week I asked my married male clients what they are doing for their wife on Mother's Day. Many of the responses I got were the same. They said, "I don't know, she's not my mother." One of them even said that he needs to remind his wife to pick up a gift for his mom.
Does it get confusing as you get older, who should you be celebrating this holiday with? Perhaps a feeling of betrayal crosses your mind? The answer is every mother deserves to be celebrated, but when you are married with children this day should also be about your wife. Although she is not your mother, she is the mother of your children, and not only should she be acknowledged, she should be a top priority. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to ignore your mother by any means. After all, you love her and you appreciate how much she has done for you throughout your life.
From changing diapers and sleepless nights to calming toddler tantrums to helping with oodles of homework and middle school bullies to being an "uber driver", to dealing with disrespectful teenagers a mom's job is endless and sometimes thankless. She is always worrying about someone else and rarely takes any time for self- care. She is often overwhelmed and stressed however she would do it all again. Why? Because she is selfless…she is a mom! Your mom did all this but those days are over for her. Your wife is in the trenches of motherhood right now. She needs to feel appreciated, loved, and valued. Putting her first at least one day of the year will go a long way with us moms. You may even get what you want later that evening… lol!
So, how can you celebrate this holiday by making your wife #1 without ignoring your own mom and making her feel special too? You need to balance your time and efforts. This can be complicated sure, but there are ways to make it all work.
First and foremost, ask your wife how she wants to spend her day. Does she want to go out and dine at a restaurant? If so, does she want to include your mom and/or her mom at the celebratory meal with you and the kids? If so, then it's easy peasy!! If she doesn't then perhaps you and your family can take your mom to lunch or dinner the day before. Remember though that it's your wife's decision.
Perhaps, your wife just wants a day to celebrate with you alone, without anyone else, not even the kids. A romantic dinner, a night on the town? A chance to dress up and feel like a sexy woman and not just a mother.
Maybe she just wants a day off from everyone and everything. A day at the spa? Retail therapy? A chick flick? She may even want time alone in her house with nobody else there so she can read or nap without getting interrupted. Mom's rarely get time alone, so take the kids to your mom's house and give your wife a gift of rest and relaxation. This way you get to spend time with your mom and everyone's needs are being met.
Last, but certainly, not least do not under any circumstance make your wife responsible for your mom's Mother's Day. Do not ask her to buy her a gift or plan an outing with her. C'mon guys give your wife a break...this is on you!
Remember, there is no right or wrong on how to spend Mother's Day. Honor your mother but never forget about the mother of your children and make her feel like a million bucks. She deserves it!!
Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing moms !!
Call us at Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information about our services or to schedule an appointment with our therapists!