Thanksgiving is almost here and it seems that the month of November often seems to become consumed by talk about thankfulness. As parents, we do our best year-round to condition our children to thank others for even the most minute exchanges, "Hudson, mommy just gave you your juice box. What do you say?" By doing this, we demonstrate to our young ones the importance of being polite and socially appropriate. But how do we guide our children, who are increasingly distracted by screens and far removed from a sense of attachment to where the objects in their lives come from or how they were made, to truly understand what it is to be thankful?
The experience of thankfulness, when it is authentic, can be a remarkable sensation. In order to do this, we need to remove ourselves at least temporarily from what is immediately in front of us. We need to exercise awareness of our own place in time and cultivate an understanding that we may possess something now that we could just as easily not have without the support of others. This is a very big realization for little people!
For example, Jimmy loves his tablet, but to be genuinely thankful for his tablet he might need to understand at least some part of the following scenario: that one of his parents thought to buy it for him because they thought it would make him feel happy, that computer engineers and game designers worked hard for years and years to create the tablet and the games he enjoys playing, that the tablet was manufactured in another country by individuals who may not have the resources to purchase tablets for their children, etc.
Being thankful and having empathy are strongly related. We give our children things like tablets, piano lessons, gymnastics classes, vacations, and sleepaway camp because we want them to enjoy childhood and not worry too much about the harsh realities of the world. Without delving too far into the reasons why we ought to feel thankful for these privileges, there is the value that remains in helping our children to cultivate a strong sense of empathy for others.
The best way to help your child build a healthy sense of empathy is by modeling it yourself:
When you see that your child is having a difficult time with something, tell them that you can see that they may be struggling and invite them to share their feelings. "I know we don't agree about whether you will take a shower tonight, but I also can tell that you're feeling really angry right now. Is there anything else making you feel that way?"
If your child is having an issue with a friend, encourage them to take a moment to consider how the friend may be feeling. "Wow, it sounds like Anna was really in a rotten mood today if she's going around saying those unkind things about others! I wonder if she's struggling with something going on herself."
Be a good listener. Even if your spouse, neighbor, or boss has polar opposite views on the world than you do, demonstrate the importance of hearing people out and acknowledging the perspectives of others before becoming reactive.
Show empathy for yourself. Limit the self-deprecating self-talk and make time to prioritize yourself occasionally. When children see that we can tolerate imperfection in ourselves, they will internalize that they, too, can make mistakes once in a while. And if they can, so can others.
In teaching our children empathy, we can guide them to become genuinely thankful for the blessings and privileges in their lives, while also giving them the skills to grow into kind friends and conscientious citizens.
At this time I would like to thank all of you for reading and sharing my blogs. I am also so grateful for all my clients who have given Modern Family Counseling the privilege of helping them in their journey toward personal growth and wellness.
Call us at Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information about our services or to schedule an appointment with our therapists!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!