Therapy in Chester, NJ
We all know how stressful parenting can be. Learning how to strike a balance between seemingly endless finances, finding time for our partners, friends, and selves, building our careers, dealing with moody teenagers, and managing temper tantrums, being a parent is no easy feat. It's easy to feel overwhelmed with all the things we have to do, and as our to-do lists and pressures as parents, partners and employees continue to grow, it is no wonder we often feel disconnected from the people who bring us the most amount of joy - our very own children.
As we ring in this new year, rather than focusing our energy on all of the things we have to do and on all of the stresses of modern-day parenting, let's take some time to reflect on how wonderful and amazing our children are and on how much love and joy they bring to us. Let's take some time to appreciate our children's unique talents and abilities, the little things they do that make us smile and all the good memories we have shared with them.
It's easy to get swept away with our day-to-day tasks and our roles as parents, discipliners, and caretakers, but let us not forget that good parenting is much more than just making lunches, writing checks, and helping with homework. It's about building a relationship with them and spending quality time together, playing with them, listening to them, asking them questions, and being there for them. In today's world, as social media and technology continue to become more and more integrated into our everyday lives, our society is lacking genuine human connection more than ever before, and our children need us (and we need them!)
Though it may sometimes feel like we've done everything we can to get closer to our children, an important thing to remember is that our children are their own people with their own feelings, emotions, and experiences that are all very much valid and real for them, as trivial or irrelevant as they may seem to us. Let's think about when we were their age. What kind of things did we go through? Were we also stressed about the mean girl clique in middle school? Or balancing homework and sports in high school? Or dealing with bullies? Or algebra exams?
Being a kid is hard! Our children need to feel like they can relate to us and that we can truly understand them, so it is our job to show them that we know what they're going through and that we're here to listen and empathize. We don't always need to give advice or tell them how to do things, oftentimes our children just need someone to listen.
Another thing to keep in mind is that our children are a lot more intuitive than we give them credit for. They can sense condescending, judgmental, and dismissive tones from a very young age, and the more they feel threatened or judged, the less likely they'll want to open to us. Sometimes it's not what you say to them, it's how you say it. Therefore, it is important to be mindful that your tone and body language are in line with your words.
When your children make mistakes, remind them that you're not "perfect" either and that you also make mistakes. When they're going through hard times open up to them about some of the hard things you have dealt with and what you learned. We must remind our children that we are their allies, not their enemies and that you want what's best for them.
As we all know, routines, to-do lists, carpooling, and disciplining our kids can seem to suck out all the fun parts of parenting. Maybe it's time to do more fun things with your kids outside of the normal day-to-day routine. Have a game night, watch movies, cook or bake together. Go on fun trips together on the weekend. Take an interest in their interests. Continuing to build positive memories and experiences together will strengthen you and your children's bonds indefinitely, and we mustn't forget how vital this piece of the puzzle is. Sometimes it's the little things that matter most.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent or perfect kid. Remember that joy is in the journey so we want to strive for progress and not perfection. Yes, parenting can be stressful, overwhelming, overbearing, and sometimes just plain horrific, but it is also one of the most rewarding jobs in the world and it's never too late to have a fresh start and a clean slate. In this new year let's be more mindful of how we spend our time with our children and ourselves and let's focus on being more intentional with every single thing that we do. Let's practice gratitude each day, and remember all the things we have to be thankful for. Happy New Year!
Call us at Modern Family Counseling at 732-742-0329 for more information about our services or to schedule an appointment with our therapists!