The season of love is upon us. The pressure is on. You are expected to buy or receive the overpriced heart chocolates and flowers. You'd best get busy! If you are looking for a romantic night out or something lowkey, it is time to talk to your spouse about how you feel about Valentine's Day. The reality is, some people do not think Valentine's Day is important, while others find it to be the most romantic night of the year.
Showing love throughout the year is necessary for a happy and healthy relationship yet so many couples get caught up in the daily grind and romance is put on the back burner. Some people feel that Valentine's Day is a good reminder to bring the "sexy" back into their marriage.
Regardless of how you feel about Valentine's Day, it is something very difficult to ignore. Chances are your spouse is not a mind reader. How do you tackle Valentine's Day this year? The answer is simple… communicate to each other what your expectations are.
- 1.) Talk about Valentine's Day well in advance: If you have high expectations for Valentine's Day, it is easy to get lost in fantasies about it. You may expect to wake up to rose petals and a violinist. If your spouse is not on the same page as you, you may be disappointed when the day comes and nothing is planned. To prevent heartbreak, talk about Valentine's Day sooner than later. This may help keep your reality in check. Discuss with your spouse some ideas you would like from them on Valentine's Day. Explain to your spouse how you would like to feel on this day.
- 2.) Explain what the importance of Valentine's Day means to you: Valentine's Day can be purposeful for your relationship. You can explain to your spouse that having a little romance may be healthy for your relationship and that it makes you feel special. Or, you can explain to your spouse that Valentine's Day is not that important to you. Although you may have different perspectives, try to be understanding of one another. This will help your spouse understand your expectations.
- 3.) Don't expect your spouse to be different just because it's Valentine's Day. Yes, Valentine's Day only comes once a year but if your spouse just doesn't get it do not take it personally. Some people are simply not romantic in that way and it doesn't mean that they don't love you. Find common ground with your spouse and do something you both find special.
- 4.) Find out what your partner's love language is. Your spouse's love language may be different from yours and that's ok. Your love language may be gifts and words of affirmation such as receiving flowers, and flirty texts. Your spouse's love language might be physical intimacy and acts of service such as you taking his car to get serviced. Give your spouse what they want, not what you want. For example, giving your spouse flowers ( your love language) will not make him happy and him servicing your car (his love language) will not make you happy. Ask your spouse what they need to feel special on Valentine's Day and do it.
- 5.) Focus on the love and not the "shoulds". Society focuses on what is the most "perfect" Valentine's Day. But is there such a thing as the most "perfect" Valentine's Day? This day does not have to be about a fancy dinner and chocolates. There are many ways that people show their love. Celebrate in a way that's "perfect" for you as a couple.
Remember, there is no right way to observe Valentine's Day. Each relationship observes Valentine's Day differently. Some couples have a weekend getaway awhile other couples stay home and watch a movie. We all may have different ideas about love, romance, and the perfect Valentine's Day. What matters on Valentine's Day and every day of the year is that you feel loved, cherished, and respected. So talk about this with your spouse so you can make each other feel that way.
If you need more than Valentine's Day to bring the romance and passion back into your marriage we are always here to help.
Contact
Risa Simpson-Davis
(732)742-0329