Therapy in Chester, NJ
School's out for summer!! If you're a student, almost nothing feels as good as this does. If you're a parent, you probably have some mixed feelings. On one hand, this means more family time. You can get a Wednesday morning pedicure with your daughter or go to a Monday night movie with your son. You can eat dinner as a family because no one has practice for the school play. It is also likely to mean that your kids are less stressed out from school...it's always nice to see your child care-free and playing outside rather than locked in his room doing math homework all night. Perhaps summer even means vacations and day trips.
It's not all fun and games, though. Having your children home all of the time leaves room for more conflict, and this is also a downside to school being out for summer for the child as well. It is completely normal to feel a bit overwhelmed as school begins to wrap up, but there are always ways to manage or minimize the stress and conflict.
If your child is in grade school, they can't drive, so you'll probably know where they are at all times...phew! But, this also means that they are home ALL. THE. TIME, or you are in charge of getting them to and arranging their plans. Having your young kids home so often leaves many opportunities for disagreement and frustration. Compromises work here too, as does setting boundaries and rules. It can also be a good idea to enroll your child in camp. There are so many opportunities for fun and growth within camp, and this way he or she is on a schedule similar to school, but with less homework, which means you still have plenty of time for family time. Plus, a lot of time, camps only take up a portion of the summer, and it does feel good to have a schedule. Try to stay calm when things get a bit crazy, and take advantage of the beautiful weather. Fresh air and sunshine can often make chaos feel a lot less chaotic.
One of the most stressful times for parents are their kids' teenage years, especially during the summer...when your teen is home a lot more and wants to fill his or her days with teen activities. So what to do when your teen wants to do teen stuff, and you feel worried, uneasy and quite frankly would rather keep them in the house to make sure that they are safe and sound at all times. Of course, everything is situational, but speaking in general terms, find a happy medium. Let your teenager know that you trust them by allowing them to go out with friends and have a later curfew. Give them the opportunity to show you that they can be home at the time that you want them to be home. Give them the opportunity to show you that they can go out with their friends and stay out of harm's way. If you make your teens feel like they have no freedom and cannot do anything, they are more likely to rebel and figure out less safe ways to get what they want.
On the flip side, boundaries, such as curfews, are also a good idea, and communication is key. Set rules, talk to your teens about your concerns, how to be safe, etc. This is a difficult time for teenagers too. They are old enough to want to do certain things and go certain places, but they aren't always old enough to do these things or go to these places. There is also a lot of pressure at this age to do what everybody else is doing and not miss out on anything. Just communicate and be empathetic, and remember how much of a roller coaster your teenage years were. Maybe there is something that you wish your parents would have done differently for you, and now you can do this for your child.
If your child is in college, but home for the summer, you have a little adult on your hands, yet this adult is still your kid. Before they went to college , you made the rules, told them when to come home, told them what the family plans were for the day. However, now is a little different--your child has lived on his or her own now. It was on them to wake up on time and cook a meal when they were hungry. If they wanted to miss a class, they made the decision to do so on their own. If they wanted to stay out till 4am, they did. But as a parent, how can you bare to have this happen on your watch? As the college student, how can you bare to have rules when you just lived a full year or more making your own? Both parties must be understanding of the other's position, and it goes back to communicating.
For the parents, it is important to remember that your children took care of themselves in college for all of these months and successfully! For the children (or mini adults), it is important to keep in mind that you are living under your parents' roof and might have to adjust your lifestyle a bit. Compromise. For example, you don't have to give your child a curfew, but you can implement the rule that they must wake you up when they get home, so you know that they are home safe and sound, or if they decide that they are going to spend the night at their friend's house, they must call. You can tell them that they must text you a couple of times during the night so that you know that they are okay. And as a child, if your parents seem too on top of you, remember it's just because they love you, and they are not yet used to having an adult child.
Whether you have a young child, a teenager or a college student home for the summer you want to avoid a family feud. If you need more help with how to have fun with your kids by avoiding arguments and setting appropriate boundaries please feel free to contact me. Happy Summer!!
Contact
Risa Simpson-Davis, LCSW
www.risasimpsondavis.com